It's a funny thing...

...what goes through your mind the first time you experience car seat warmers. Having no knowledge of their existence you run though all the possibilities of why your butt is progressively getting warmer. Thinking you are going crazy and to afraid to say something to your fellow passengers you settle on the most obvious but least desirable question/conclusion. "What is going on? Did I just wet myself? Yup... I think I may have just peed a little."

My Ode To Under Armour

For the ski trip a friend loaned me her Under Armour (spandex pants & a long sleeve spandex shirt) to keep me warm. I am now obsessed with the stuff! Not only did it work great on the trip but I've been wearing ever since when I go running. I will admit that my obsession with Under Armour is not just for it's functional purposes (keeping me warm and dry). I love how I look in the stuff!!! As vain as it sounds I feel like I look like a pro runner. When I'm getting ready to go and I put the pants on, I get super motivated and think to myself, "I'm gonna run for miles today!!!!" That feeling of awesomeness continues on into the run. I pass cars while I'm running thinking to myself, "I looook good!" But alas wearing spandex doesn't make you any more athletic. I end up going my typical mile and half and then I'm done, ready to pass out and die on the side of the road. Let me just say, it's a very humbling experience. Still, I think I'm gonna need to invest in some spandex of my own. Heck as far as I'm concerned everyone should invest in spandex pants!

Winter Retreat Pictures

I realized I never made it clear how exactly I was going skiing in the last post. For those who don't know I help out on Sunday mornings in the junior high class at church by leading a discussion group after the lesson. Early last week the woman in charge of student ministries called to tell me that one of their full time leaders had backed out of their winter retreat weekend and they were in desperate need of someone to fill in. I was informed my way was paid for and I would be able to ski for free. How could I say no!?!?!

Well, needless to say the trip was an experience to remember! Junior highers are a special breed. I've never eaten so much junk food, talked about boys so much, and watched so many unbelievably cheesy movies. But despite all of that, it was amazing experience just being with them and hopefully being one step in leading them closer to God.

One of the biggest conclusions I came to this past weekend was that skiing is not my sport! After only 10 minutes of being there my two guy friends, who were also leaders, dragged me down one of the Green runs. For those who don't know Green is a step up from the Bunny Slope...a big step up as far as I'm concerned! I basically fell the whole way down the mountain. I got going OK a few times but then I'd go over slight hill, pick up speed, FREAK OUT, and fall on purpose because I was so scared! Let me tell you standing back up in skis isn't easy either. Bottom line skiing is scary, cold, and it makes you sooo sore. My little California butt is just not cut out for it! But I'm glad I tried. I didn't get any pictures of me skiing but here a few from the weekend.

Just another Chinese Monday

Yup yup! We're talented!

Guess what!?

Next week I hope to be doing this!!!



But more than likely I will be doing a lot of this...



and this!!!



Stay tuned for pictures of the real thing! On another note I am doing a lot better emotionally. I had a wonderful conversation with a good friend of mine (one who is dating) in which I was honest about how I was feeling, and that made a huge difference.

Something I have been pondering…..a moment of very raw honesty.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before. What is it that makes it so hard for me to be around my friends that are dating? When I’m with them all I have is this overwhelming desire to just leave…run away. I want run to the safety of my tiny little dorm room where I know no one else will be, turn on the TV, and basically cut them out of my life. I want to cut out of my life these people that I dearly love. I want to cut out of my life the people who have dropped everything to run me on an errand I needed to do. I want to cut out of my life the people who threw me a surprise birthday party last semester. I want to cut out of my life some of the best coffee dates and conversation partners I’ve ever had. What right do I have to be angry with someone just because they are happily dating?? I don’t even want a boyfriend. None of it makes any sense and simply put, I hate the way I feel right now. I hate that I have cried now for four days straight, but most of all I hate that I am embarrassed to talk about the way I feel with any of these friends. I have never had a season of my life that has been so overwhelmingly painful and confusing.

In a tearful moment on the phone my mother asked me if I was jealous. Maybe a little but truthfully I don’t think that’s it. All I can really pinpoint is this deep sense of sadness that I cannot seem to ignore. Believe me I've tried. It’s feels like someone is constantly squeezing my heart. Then when I’m around my friends my heart gets twisted and squeezed all the more. Last night I wrote in my journal asking God to search my heart and help me better understand why I am feeling this way. I have no doubt God is doing something important in my life. I just wish I knew what it was and for how long he was planning on me going through this. Wouldn’t it be great if God gave you a calendar for all the difficult seasons in your life?? At least you would have an ending date for those hard times! I just don’t know if I can survive a whole semester like the past four days have been.

You know you're in college North Carolina when...

...your professor says, "Sure as shootin you can bet I'm gonna be takin role in this class!" Say that in your best southern accent (in a lower register) and you've got my professor (a man) for Research Methods. Oh mi oh my!