The Perfect Way To Say Goodbye

I love YouTube

And the UC Berkley men's choir. So entertaining.

Trips

Despite the business of this semester I have been able to travel a little. For fall break I went with three other girlfriends to Maryland and Washington DC. Last weekend my roommate and I woke up at 3am to go out to the Outerbanks and watch another friend run a half marathon. It was painful but totally worth it!!

Bittersweet

I thought since this, my last semester of college, is almost over I owe it to myself to blog (at least once) about what the past few months have been like. In short this last semester has been a whirlwind.

I moved into an apartment, got a car, and a job. I have been consumed with finding an internship and trying to learn as much as I can to prepare myself for that internship. When it comes to doing my school work the internet at our apartment in insanely slow. For that reason, I more or less live anywhere that has free internet. I am embarrassed to admit the baristas at Starbucks know me by name! Between class, school, and my job, exercising has fallen by the wayside. My once “runner self” is sadly no longer.

It’s been a very different semester with my friends from last year. Many of us have simply drifted apart. Two friends have gotten engaged, one went back to school, and several started full time jobs. Thankfully I have remained close to my girlfriends from last year. For the past few weeks I have been ecstatic at the prospect of going home. But the reality of leaving these friends didn’t hit me until tonight. Whether I see them on a regular basis or not, it’s hard to imagine life without them there (or at least a few minutes away).

I need another tissue…

The Funniest Thing EVER!

The New Apartment

Starting with the inside of my closet here are just a few pictures of my new apartment. I must say having more than one room to live in is simply AMAZING! :)

Summer Fun (in pictures)

The Art Of Conversation

I have made new friends this summer and I'm tired of the same old small talk with them. But I can't seem to figure out how to get passed that. How do you go from general small talk with someone to deeper conversation? It seems like this should come naturally but what if it doesn't? You can't exactly sit them down and say, "Tell me all your hopes and dreams!" That seems just a tad intense...just a tad.

Club Run With Us Pics

I wonder how much he spits when he does this?

For the love of Pete!

Why does the urge to write and be creative come at 11:45 pm on a night where I have to be up at 6:50 am. For the love of Pete! Yes, I have the urge to write. I get that on occasion. I think somewhere in my jumble of a self I have an inner beatnik poet or bohemian artist in me just dying to come out. Part of me would like to run away to Paris, rent an apartment, and spend all my time writing in tiny waterfront cafes. I want to write something profound and witty. But sadly I am neither witty or profound. So, all I can do is write what I know, and this is what I know...for now.

I feel like I am at an age where I am sandwiched smack in the middle between death and life. It's like I'm the turkey in between a moldy piece of wheat bread and a fresh baked slice of sourdough. While my friends are getting married and having babies my past is slowly dying. Grandparents and childhood pets suddenly seem very old to me and I am painfully aware of my limited time with them. So, while I cannot wait for what the future holds, I dread the thought of having to say goodbye to the past.

When it comes to the opposite sex I am beginning to wonder if I am, at least initially, too preoccupied with physical attraction. Yes, as you might imagine, I have met someone who has me wondering this. I never thought I was overly concerned with looks in a guy. I find any boy looking remotely close to an Abercrombie and Fitch model horribly unattractive. Yet, I realize that in the past I have writing off perfectly wonderful guys because I am not initially attracted to them. All this to say I still can't help but wonder if I am not initially attracted... with I EVER be attracted? Just how important are those first sparks to light the fire of love?

Maybe someday I will run away to Paris, meet a nice painter who I find attractive after getting to know him, and hopefully write a book or two. Perhaps, I will write something along the lines of "Tuesdays with Morrie" only instead of Morrie it will be "Tuesdays with Marshmallow (my darling old cat)". :)

Today at church...

...i sat behind two seriously tattooed men, the dance team performed, and they acted out a scene from Lord of the Rings that actually related to the message. Do I dare say only in Calfornia?

I can't wait for next season!!!

To Get Jiggy * To Hoedown * To Bust A Move * To Tango * To Cavort * To Sock Hop* To Shag Dance

I think I have a pretty good handle on who I am as a person. I am a 22 year old female. I have brown hair and green eyes. Among many things I love peanut butter, running, good conversation, thrift stores, and Starbucks coffee. However, after a night of clubbing with some friends in Hollywood I was left contemplating one life altering detail about myself.

Do I like dancing????

Not life altering you say? Wrong! The answer to this question has potentially devestating implications... for the rest of my SOCIAL life. If I say no that would then imply that I would NOT dance at any future event with dancing. I am not a party animal but I hate the thought of being labeled the "party pooper"!! If I say yes then I am, in a sense obligated, to dance at any event with dancing including places like skanky clubs and sketchy bars. While I don't attend such establishments on a regular basis the thought of HAVING to dance in such places fills me with sheer dread. Why? Perhapes it's because I can't seem to ignore the frottage going on around me enough to actually enjoy dancing.

Yes I said frottage. If you don't know what it means look it up!

My Silver Lining

So far this summer has been well...disappointing. I was hoping to get another job on top of the after-school program I've worked at, or a new job with more hours. It has now been almost four weeks of putting in countless phone calls and applications with no luck. The whole situation has lead to me feeling depressed. While it has been GREAT being home I can't seem to ignore the fact that I am not making money, which I NEED to do! Plus I'm getting downright bored! I've been trying to remind myself that God has a plan that's better than mine but just the same, I can't help feeling frustrating!! However, despite the job search frustrations I can now say one part of my summer is going to be fantastic.

What part is that? The part where I joined a running club!! Whohoooooo! Last night I mustered up all my courage and visited Club Run With Us for the first time. The club, based out of a shoe store in Pasadena, meets at the Rose Bowl twice a week and every other Sunday. They have a coach who helps advise club members on what to do each workout and how to achieve their running goals. I was INCREDIBLY nervous to check it out because I was afraid the club would be nothing but a bunch of perfectly toned and tanned running machines. Thankfully there were all types of folks at all kinds of levels. I met an awesome girl there who ran at the same pace I did. We did our workout together and in the end I was surprised to find out we had done a little over 3 miles. I can barely do 2 miles on my own! So job or no job I know at least one thing I will be happily doing this summer. Running!

Oh what a trip!

Nothing adds to your flying experience more than puking on an airplane. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed.



My new best friend and perhaps the greatest invention ever made!

Good Mood Gone Bad

ECU is strange. School is over and finals occur over a period of two weeks. Because finals are so spread out everyone suddenly seems to have more free time. Random get togethers with friends have been occuring since Friday, the last day of classes. I spent tonight at the park, tossing around the frisbee with several of my church friends. It was simply fantastic. Besides the fact that everything somehow becomes 10x more funny when we're all together, the weather was PERFECT.

It hit me halfway through the night, and about mid frisbee toss, how much I don't want to leave this summer. That relization pretty much tainted my mood for the rest of the night. I just don't understand the way I feel. I dearly love all of my friends. But, like any normal relationships, sometimes I get incredibly frustrated and annoyed with them. I am going home to place most people are dying to just visit! While I might be missing out on adventures here, I'll have pleanty of my own in CA. I am only going to be gone for FOUR months and yet I am so sad at the prospect of leaving I feel like crying. Why do I feel like this?? Maybe I'm thinking about really leaving when I graduate...I don't know. I've said this before and I'll say it again. I think if I had known it would be this emotinally hard I would never have come here.

Mozart and the Whale

Tonight I watched the movie Mozart and the Whale. I'm still deciding my opinion of it all so I hesitate to OFFICIALLY recommend it. However, it kept my interest, the characters were pretty accurate in what they portrayed, and some of it was really funny. It's about a subject near and dear to my heart. Can anyone take a guess what that might be??



I'll give you a hint. It's between peanut butter and Autism. ;)

Procrastination

Today I washed my bed stuff. Washing my sheets and blanket means two things for me. #1. My bed stuff smells good! #2. I have to make my bed...on the top bunk...by myself. Did I ever mention how much I detest making my bed?!!?

Southern Translations

Here is a list of a few southern words or phrases I've heard over my year and a half in NC and the translation of what they really mean.

1. "I was so ill!" - I was so angry
2. "Djeet?" - Did you eat?
3. "If I get a wild hair up my butt." - If I get a random burst of spontaneity.
4. "Cut the light on." - Turn the light on.
5. "I'll get up with you later." - I'll call/see/find you later.
6. "Do what now?" - I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Could you repeat that?
7. "Mash the button." - Push the button.
8. "That was a big'un!" - That was a big one.
9. "Fog Giggin" - The hunting of frogs for meat, usually with a spear like object.
10. "I was tore up." - I was so upset.
11. "Ruther" - Another form of the word rather.
12. "It was rigged." - It was put together.
13. "It scared the mess out of me." - It scared the pants off of me.
14. "Dag'gone" - Shoot

I have recently learned that any car bigger than a sedan (that's not a mini van) is a truck. Also like the British the boot is the trunk of your car here in NC. And if any old men wave at you while you're driving through some small town they're not trying to pick you up. They're just showing some of that good old southern hospitality. :)

A Lesson In Shrimp

HOW TO EAT COLD BOILED SHRIMP:
(Note: To get the true authenticity say cold and boiled in the most exaggerated Southern accent possible! **Think "coald" and "bowled".)
1. Pinch the tail off with your thumb and index finger.
2. Using your thumb and index finger pinch of the legs.
3. Peal off the clear outer layer covering the shrimp.
4. Dip in cocktail sauce and eat!

DO NOT stick the whole thing, legs and all, in the cocktail sauce and eat it!! Thank God for Mary's step by step instructions otherwise I would have a stomach full of shrimp legs right about now!

EASTER

I got the pleasure of going home with my friend Mary for Easter. It was simply a fantastic weekend. I ate my weight in good Southern cooking, hunted for Easter eggs, and got a present from the Easter Bunny (complements of Mary's mom!). Aside from all those things I think what made it so much fun was that I felt really welcomed! I felt like one of the family, which made being so far away from mine a little easier!

You know you're no longer in CA when...

...your friend who plays the drums at church works at a chicken farm. Last night he almost missed church because he wasn't done checking the roosters tongues to see if they were burned.

Not only have I never known anyone who works at a chicken farm but I had no idea roosters could burn their tongues.

Lunch and Life Realizations

After church today I went to lunch in the dining hall. I didn't go with anyone or see anyone inside to eat with so, I sat at a table by myself. In front of my table was a table of 8-10 girls and behind me was a small group of guys. Even though I had no one to eat with it was a fantastically entertaining lunch. I spent the majority of my time eavesdropping on the conversations going on around my. Among the topics discussed were: my favorite type of tampons, my first experience with tampons, the party last night, getting high, how cool my mom is, and the overwhelming need to work on my tan.

I made a realization about myself today. I don't like change. I don't even like the idea of change. Not the greatest since I'm in a constantly changing environment and the next few years of my life are going to have some MAJOR changes in them. I think I need to get Romans 8:28 tattooed on my backside. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It is sooooooooooo hard for me to not only remember but believe that no matter how much things change God has a plan in it all and will work things out for the best. Miami Ink here I come. ;)

I'm in love...

...with a poet named Rives. Normally I HATE poetry, but this man is cool! I've never heard anything so funny and creative before. Unfortunately some of his stuff is pretty vulgar. Here a few of the cleaner ones that I really like.

"Op Talk" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COaqjmaOfWw

"Deaf Poetry Jam" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbtVepS53t0

"Thanks. It hides my stomach rolls."

While with some of my girlfriends this weekend I made a comment about how I didn't like a picture we were looking at because I "looked fat". To this my friend Kate challenged me to go an entire week without saying something bad about my body. I thought this would be easy. I was wrong.

It's only Tuesday and I am already dumbstruck about how easily I put myself down. Last night a friend paid me a complement on the vest I was wearing. I replied by saying, "Thanks! It hides my stomach rolls." I didn't even flinch when I replied. It all came spilling out of my mouth so fast I had no clue what I was saying until I said it. Really stopping and hearing myself made me realize the complete idiocy of my own statement. The struggles with staying positive don’t stop here.

I told my roommate about "Positive Week". She jumped on the idea and right away. She insisted that I change my body type on my Myspace from "some extra baggage" to "average". According to my roommate "extra baggage" is only what really fat people put on their page. This sparked a great deal of thought...and confusion. I always thought I was being honest about my body by saying that I do have “extra baggage”. I consider myself a bigger girl, not fat necessarily but bigger. I ran this issue by a few of my friends. Some were surprised…one said she was “horrified” about what I said. I see the need to stop putting myself down but I also think it’s important to be honest about your body. However, I’m stuck now with wondering if my vision of myself has is distorted. If I can’t see myself the way everyone else sees me am I then lying to myself?

I’ve haven’t really reached a conclusion in all of this. All I can say is that changing your actions is easy. Changing your thinking is really... REALLY hard. In the end I took this statement about my body type off Myspace all together. I figured it was no ones business anyway what my body type is.

Sigh...

I can hardly contain my excitement to go home for spring break!! I'm just soooo tired of being at school and even more so being without a car. I know I should be grateful to simply get a good education and that I have friends who can take me places but really I'm reaching the end of my rope.

I think the weekends are my hardest time when I'm at school. I try really hard to schedule coffee dates with friends and busy myself with things like studying, working out, laundry, and reading my Bible. But those things can only take up so much time. Inevitably I end up spending the majority of the day in my room. It's even worse when my friends are gone. I'm an extrovert. I like people! I can only take so many days without them!! It would be awesome to have a car so I could take more initiative to see people! But practically speaking it just doesn't work for me to have one. If I get one now it's a matter of selling it or driving it all the way back to California when I graduate. So I'm left watching Father of The Bride on HBO, for the 7th time this semester, on a pretty lonely Saturday night.

I wish Monday would get here sooner! Sigh....

QUAD RUGBY

So anyone who knows me well knows that I am slightly obsessed with wheelchair rugby. If you haven't seen the movie Murderball go rent it! It will explain everything. I think by far it's one of the more hardcore games I've ever seen. I played Murderball, as it is sometimes called, all throughout my first semester here. But unfortunately I haven't got to do it much since because of conflicting schedules. I am SOOOO excited that I will finally get to play again next Tuesday! Now I knew quad rugby can get violent, but I have never seen a hit this bad!

Crazy

Who wakes up at 6 am when they have class at 11 to go walking with their 2 best friends? Me!!! What seemed like a good idea at the time was horribly painful to do. Pealing myself out of bed a that hour to go out in the cold to exercise no less was just about the worst feeling ever. At 5:55 when my alarm went off my whole body was screaming at me, "GOOOO BAAACK TOOOO BEEEED!!!!" Thank God my roommate wasn't here. She thinks I'm on crack for getting up at 9 to go to the gym. She probably would have sat me down and yelled at me if she had known I got up at 6. Anyway, despite all the pain it was awesome! I now understand why people do it. To top off our morning exercise, or cancel it out depending on how you look at it, we 3 stopped at Starbucks and Panera for a fine breakfast of bagels and coffee. I wish I could have known what other customers, mostly men in their 60s and 70s, were thinking of the three of us. While they were discussing work, family, and whatever else it is that men discuss, we gabbed about the fine topics of getting married, dieting, and our plans for the weekend. Crazy... maybe but oh so worth it!! In my opinion it was the perfect way to start a morning!







(We do a little off-roading on our walks. The path is somewhere in the midst of all those bushes!)

One Word: Awesome

Random Pictures

Here are some pictures taken/emailed to me recently. Among the bunch is me with one of the middle school girls I work with at church, a perfect example of how much my friends and I luuuuuuuv each other, one very random game night (don't even ask...i dunno what we were trying to do and it didn't work!), and a picture I like to call, "Good morning sunshine!!"

It's a funny thing...

...what goes through your mind the first time you experience car seat warmers. Having no knowledge of their existence you run though all the possibilities of why your butt is progressively getting warmer. Thinking you are going crazy and to afraid to say something to your fellow passengers you settle on the most obvious but least desirable question/conclusion. "What is going on? Did I just wet myself? Yup... I think I may have just peed a little."

My Ode To Under Armour

For the ski trip a friend loaned me her Under Armour (spandex pants & a long sleeve spandex shirt) to keep me warm. I am now obsessed with the stuff! Not only did it work great on the trip but I've been wearing ever since when I go running. I will admit that my obsession with Under Armour is not just for it's functional purposes (keeping me warm and dry). I love how I look in the stuff!!! As vain as it sounds I feel like I look like a pro runner. When I'm getting ready to go and I put the pants on, I get super motivated and think to myself, "I'm gonna run for miles today!!!!" That feeling of awesomeness continues on into the run. I pass cars while I'm running thinking to myself, "I looook good!" But alas wearing spandex doesn't make you any more athletic. I end up going my typical mile and half and then I'm done, ready to pass out and die on the side of the road. Let me just say, it's a very humbling experience. Still, I think I'm gonna need to invest in some spandex of my own. Heck as far as I'm concerned everyone should invest in spandex pants!

Winter Retreat Pictures

I realized I never made it clear how exactly I was going skiing in the last post. For those who don't know I help out on Sunday mornings in the junior high class at church by leading a discussion group after the lesson. Early last week the woman in charge of student ministries called to tell me that one of their full time leaders had backed out of their winter retreat weekend and they were in desperate need of someone to fill in. I was informed my way was paid for and I would be able to ski for free. How could I say no!?!?!

Well, needless to say the trip was an experience to remember! Junior highers are a special breed. I've never eaten so much junk food, talked about boys so much, and watched so many unbelievably cheesy movies. But despite all of that, it was amazing experience just being with them and hopefully being one step in leading them closer to God.

One of the biggest conclusions I came to this past weekend was that skiing is not my sport! After only 10 minutes of being there my two guy friends, who were also leaders, dragged me down one of the Green runs. For those who don't know Green is a step up from the Bunny Slope...a big step up as far as I'm concerned! I basically fell the whole way down the mountain. I got going OK a few times but then I'd go over slight hill, pick up speed, FREAK OUT, and fall on purpose because I was so scared! Let me tell you standing back up in skis isn't easy either. Bottom line skiing is scary, cold, and it makes you sooo sore. My little California butt is just not cut out for it! But I'm glad I tried. I didn't get any pictures of me skiing but here a few from the weekend.

Just another Chinese Monday

Yup yup! We're talented!

Guess what!?

Next week I hope to be doing this!!!



But more than likely I will be doing a lot of this...



and this!!!



Stay tuned for pictures of the real thing! On another note I am doing a lot better emotionally. I had a wonderful conversation with a good friend of mine (one who is dating) in which I was honest about how I was feeling, and that made a huge difference.