For the love of Pete!

Why does the urge to write and be creative come at 11:45 pm on a night where I have to be up at 6:50 am. For the love of Pete! Yes, I have the urge to write. I get that on occasion. I think somewhere in my jumble of a self I have an inner beatnik poet or bohemian artist in me just dying to come out. Part of me would like to run away to Paris, rent an apartment, and spend all my time writing in tiny waterfront cafes. I want to write something profound and witty. But sadly I am neither witty or profound. So, all I can do is write what I know, and this is what I know...for now.

I feel like I am at an age where I am sandwiched smack in the middle between death and life. It's like I'm the turkey in between a moldy piece of wheat bread and a fresh baked slice of sourdough. While my friends are getting married and having babies my past is slowly dying. Grandparents and childhood pets suddenly seem very old to me and I am painfully aware of my limited time with them. So, while I cannot wait for what the future holds, I dread the thought of having to say goodbye to the past.

When it comes to the opposite sex I am beginning to wonder if I am, at least initially, too preoccupied with physical attraction. Yes, as you might imagine, I have met someone who has me wondering this. I never thought I was overly concerned with looks in a guy. I find any boy looking remotely close to an Abercrombie and Fitch model horribly unattractive. Yet, I realize that in the past I have writing off perfectly wonderful guys because I am not initially attracted to them. All this to say I still can't help but wonder if I am not initially attracted... with I EVER be attracted? Just how important are those first sparks to light the fire of love?

Maybe someday I will run away to Paris, meet a nice painter who I find attractive after getting to know him, and hopefully write a book or two. Perhaps, I will write something along the lines of "Tuesdays with Morrie" only instead of Morrie it will be "Tuesdays with Marshmallow (my darling old cat)". :)